


The Avengers Play 'Never Have I Ever' with Ellen

by starkravingfangirl



Series: Publicity 'Verse [3]
Category: Ellen Degeneres Show RPF, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Clint Barton is s c a n d a l i z e d, F/M, Gen, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-02
Updated: 2019-04-02
Packaged: 2019-12-30 18:51:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 934
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18321173
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starkravingfangirl/pseuds/starkravingfangirl
Summary: The Avengers play a hilariously honest round of Never Have I Ever with Ellen!





	The Avengers Play 'Never Have I Ever' with Ellen

Ellen: Alright! Welcome back, we’re here with the Avengers and we're going to be playing one of my favorite games. We’re playing Never Have I Ever, and I’m going to give you these paddles, *passes paddles* and I’m going to give you guys a series of prompts and you just have to say you have or you haven’t. *shows both sides of paddle* Ready?

Avengers: *nods*

**Ellen: Alright then. ‘Never have I ever joined the Mile-High club.’ *sheepishly shows ‘I Have’ side of paddle***

Toni: *no hesitation, shows ‘I Have’* I’ve done a lot of weird shit. Also, get it Ellen!

*laughter*

Natasha: *’I Have’*

Clint: *I Have*

Thor: What is the Mile High club? I have never heard of this Midgardian term.

Clint: *grins* It’s when you have sex when you’re over a mile above land. *reaches over and changes paddle to ‘I Have’* We’ve all heard you and Bruce in the helicarriers.

Toni: *wrinkles nose* It’s gross.

Bruces *’I Have’* Shut up Toni, we’ve heard you and Steve too.

Toni: *gasps, mock offended* We’re not nearly as loud!

Avengers minus her and Steve: Yes, you are!

Steve: *looks into the camera like on the Office and changes to ‘I Have’*

Ellen: Any explanation of you answers Clint, Natasha?

Nat: *smirks* If you’re going into a covert op and you can’t have sex for a month, you’re going to be doing it until you land.

Clint: It’s great.

Toni: *reaches over and smacks Clint’s head* The general population didn’t need to know the details of your sex lives.

Clint: Nat’s the one who said it!

Toni: Yeah, but Natasha scares me.

**Ellen: Alright then, next question. Never have I ever made out with someone double my age. *shakes head and turns to ‘I Have Never’***

Toni: Does Steve count?

Steve: I guess? Technically I’m 100 years old.

Ellen: We’ll count it.

Clint: *’I Have Never’*

Bruce: *’I Have’* Thor’s like a 1000 years old in Earth years.

Thor: Nay, I have never. *’I Have Never’*

Nat: *’I Have Never’*

**Ellen: Never have I ever drunk dialed an ex. *’I have’* You know, it happens. You get drunk, you make questionable life decisions-**

Toni: _Really_ questionable life decisions. Half the stupid decisions I’ve made, just ever, was when I was drunk or high.

Ellen: Only half?

Toni: Just because I have science sense doesn’t mean I have common sense.

Clint: *’I Have’* I have no sense of self-preservation. At all.

Toni: *sighs* He really doesn’t. It’s why he always jumps off of roofs without telling me first.

Steve: *’I Have Never’* My exes are all from the 40s and we didn’t have phones back then.

Bruce: I wasn’t aware you had exes anyway in the 40s.

Toni: You mean pre-All-American-Dick?

Steve; I had a dick back then too. It just wasn’t an American I suppose.

Nat: Well, you get it little Steve!

Toni: *snorts* Sounds like you’re talking about his dick.

Nat: Well, that applies too.

Thor: We have no concept of ‘drunk dialing’ upon Asgard. I have, however, made decisions that I regret upon the influence of mead.

Bruce: *’I Have Never’*

**Ellen: Never have I ever used my celebrity status to get out a parking ticket. *’I Have Never’* I’ve tried?**

Toni: *laughs* I can’t blame you. *’I Have’*

Steve: *’I Have’* I was more of an accident. Toni and I were shopping but she went out to get coffee from Starbucks, but I parked in the wrong place and should have gotten a ticket but the officer looked at me, mouthed _Captain America_ and moved on. So it’s not like I tried but…

Toni: You never told me that!

Steve: I forgot?

Nat: Looks like you’re in the dog house...

Clint: *”I Have Never’* I’ve never for a parking ticket. I’ve used superhero status to skip lines in like a coffee shop.*air quotes* ‘official Avengers business, coming through,’ usually works.

Ellen: For what Avengers business are you in a coffee shop?

Clint: *Shrug* I dunno. People are usually too surprised or scared to question it.

Nat: *’I Have’*

Toni: Usually Nat just glares at them and it works.

Bruce: *‘I Have’* I got a parking ticket once, and the poor kid, couldn’t be more than 20, was a science fanboy or something, so we got into a talk about anti-electron collisions and by the time we were done I think the poor kid forgot. I wasn’t about to remind him either.

**Ellen: Never have I ever been stoned on a talk show. *’I have never’***

Steve: *’I Have Never’* Can’t get drunk or high with this body. Except for Asgardian mead, but that’s another story.

Toni: *winks and holds up ’I Have’* They called it my roaring twenties for a reason.

Clint: *’I Have Never’*

Nat: *’I Have Never’*

Bruce:*’I Have Never’*

Thor:*’I Have Never’*

**Ellen: Never have I ever done _it_ in a public place.**

Steve: *sheepishly ’I Have’*

Toni: *no shame ‘I Have’* Galas get boring.

Thor: *’I Have’*

Bruce: *’I Have’*

Nat: *’I Have’*

Clint: *’I Have Never’*What the hell? Why are all of you fucking in public places! Nobody wants to see that!

Nat: *sighs* Stop screaming, we all know you’ve done weird shit at parties.

***the buzzer goes off***

Ellen: Well it looks like that’s all the time we have for today! Thank you so much for coming, later the Avengers will be answering a few more questions. Thank you so much for coming, Avengers!

Steve: Thank you for having us.

Toni: *smirks* It’s been fun.

Avengers: *wave and screen goes black*

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not super happy with this one. I really had no inspiration, and it just kept dragging on and on, long enough that I gave up and just edited and posted what I had. I'm really sorry!
> 
> Say hi on tumblr! https://thehelloimmawitchbitch.tumblr.com/


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